dear girl with black understory and blonde highlights sitting in the outside isle seat of the middle row,

i can overlook your rainboots with pink duckies. i can even overlook your fur-lined jacket and foundation-caked face. i'll try my very hardest to overlook the fact that your backpack says "TheNorthFace" when you most clearly have never veared off of the sidewalk downtown.

but you have broken the camel's back.

more specifically, your sunglasses have broken its back. i know that you are living in southern california (marginally) and i know that the sun does shine periodically (when the morning haze burns away) but there are some days when you should leave your bug eyes at home. i promise that you will not squint in any way during this day. how can i promise this? because the clouds are so think that they are actually repelling moisture.

i know you'll have separation anxiety.

i know you'll feel naked.

but save yourself the dignity.