turn around and find the person

we had horrible "units" in physical education freshman year of high school. things that shouldn't be considered sports, like badmitten and this cross between soccer and tennis, had to be learned and performed at a highly skilled level. amongst these units was the inevitable swimming unit, which, along with learning the useless butterfly and how to float using only a pair of pants, included waterpolo and marco polo.

freshmen p.e. isn't the most shameless of events. most children remember their horrifying teachers for the rest of their lives, recounting the laps they had to run and the pushups they ahd to endure.

my freshmen p.e. teacher was six foot three inches, solid muscle, had a shaved head (which contributed to his rather penis like appearance very much), refered to everybody by their last name, and was married to one of his students, who had graduated a mere 3 years before i got there. stories were often passed around concerning his love of "massaging" his female students' backs and the such.

one particularly gruesome morning (as that is when i had p.e.: 7:35 a.m., bright and early, which was so joyful during the swimming unit, which extended from the middle of january to the beginning of march), it seemed that many of us were not swimming our daily alotment of laps fast enough. mr. penis stood up on his lifegaurd chair, blew his whistle, and yelled the words we all dreaded: "everybody out of the pool! pushup position!"

to all of you whose teacher didn't somehow resemble a military drill sargent, you can use your imagination to visualize what pushup position entails. you start in the usual position, then mr. penis screams "down!!", where you put your chin on the ground, until he orders you back up.

yes. it's not that bad. if your teacher wasn't a infamous pervert.

my teacher makes the girls line up on one side, and the boys line up directly opposite, so that you're facing eachother in your shameful act. then, to make sure you're not slacking on your pushups, he walks by and individually checks each and every chin.

so besides every single one of those boys seeing directly down every single one of the girls' tops, the teacher makes a point to see the good ol' cleavage also.

surprisingly, this isn't the most scaring event that occured during freshmen p.e.

one cold january day, we opted for a chummy game of marco polo instead of the usual competitive waterpolo.

as the game started to pick up, the "it" person headed straight towards me. being the cocky person i am, i ducked underwater and attempted to push off something solid and glide underneath him, thus avoiding a "you're it" moment. as i started to move through the water, i felt my hand get caught on something a little solid, followed by something that was definately solid, which ended in something that was solid and hairy.

what the fuck.

i pulled my hand back as fast as could be and resurfaced for a gander.

and there he was. grinning. i managed to squeek a "i'm sorry" out before slinked away as fast as possible to the end of the pool that my friends happened to be clumped.

but not before our eyes locked and he responded, "it's ok. i don't mind."

like you would. i grabbed your penis.

high school is so tramatizing.