i feel it in my fingers, i feel it in my toes

my mother once told me that alcoholism is a reoccuring problem in my family (on my genetic side). i would love to ask her if the definition of alcoholism includes enjoying the buzz of a few glasses of wine or a shot or two of whiskey. it may.

under those circumstances, i guess i am guilty of conceding my self esteme to my hearty family. my great-grandmother would be proud.

while nosey-ing around my room today, i discovered two things that were immediately emotion and response evoking: a giant, yet substancial stash of hard alcohol and a picture of my immediately younger sister (selah), when she was in about fifth grade.

two things happened in response to these discoveries: i poured myself a somewhat strong whiskey sour, and stared at the young selah-mae. this is the selah that i choose to remember when i think fondly of her during my reoccuring moments of home-sickness. her, at nine or ten years old. she used to wear dragon ball-z shirts to school that were far too large for my father. nobody questioned her wardrobe or even tried to convince her to wear clothing that was semi form-fitting.

of course, as nature would have it, she would end up with the most beautiful figure of us all.






among the movies i observed in my room upon my arrival, which includes but is not limited to Jurasic Park III, one of the Lord of the Rings, Shrek, and Harry Potter The Soucerer's Stone, i saw Love Actually, which i usually would not give hte time of day but decided to watch it simply because of the emotions i have attached to it.

but i now abondon emotions. they have never gotten my anywhere.

if i hadn't, i might want to curl up in a ball and cry over the scrubs my mother has shamelessly bought me. it is some sort of desperate attempt to get me to remember why *i* wanted to be a doctor. scratch that. surgeon.

of course she remembered that my favorite color, while i was younger, was purple-blue.

my other little sister's little "this is me, let me tell you about myself in a nutshell" slogan on msn messenger is "i am a disappointment". it would seem that out of six children, nobody lived up to their expectations.

and this will directly lead into a nice glass full of crown royal.