wouldn't it be nice?

there is nothing like sitting on the seventh floor of the library to put things in perspective. you can see for miles from there. literally. you can see the channel islands today, as clear as usual considering this is southern california and no amount of liberalism will get people to give up their gasguzzling land yachts. but that's ok. everyone is a hypocrite. including myself.

all these people are frantically running around, trying to get from here to there in an orderly fashion. stop. fix hair. make sure each blonde highlite is perfectly straight just incase perfect man comes along and marriage possibly enters the picture. stop. pull up skirt and down top, even though it's overcast and slightly chilly, at least for here. stop. answer phone. oh wait, walk and talk. multitask. now that is a true ucsb student. multitasking. who would have thought to enroll students that can do more than one thing at a time, if breathing and blinking are disqualified? who knew. not me. but that's life. i have no idea where i am going with this.

oh right. seventh floor. perspective. silently staring out the window at the ocean, watching whatever piece of manmade shit float by, realizing that this is not how it was supposed to be. a giant race to the end. what about the middle? who cares about the end. it'll come when it comes and i will not hurry it at any point. this whole system is just backwards. paying to be restless. restless until paying, paying well that is. and i hate that, as much as i don't like it about other people, my life is driven by money and possessions. what i want when i'm older. how i don't want to be poor. nobody does, but somebody will be. will it be me? will it be you? not everyone can be wealthy. there is a certain romance in deciding upon a career or future for the sake of love, not money. like that sports commercial. this is what *enter some sport terminology here* looks like. there are two reasons to play the game. blah blah blah. love or money? isn't that the question.

in bio lecture we learned that even animals that have no integrated monetary system in their culture, i.e. fish, mate for material possessions. how well the male can provide protection and food for the sexy sexy offspring. so i guess trying to avoid being driven by material possession is impossible. if fish can' tdo it, who am i to try to beat the system. beating the system only worked out for me once, and itwas the library system in high school. they'll never know i lost those two textbooks, even though i feel kinda guilty that i didn't pay for a replacement when i think about how my sisters don't have their own spanish books. good thing i'm an emotionally detached person and guilt flows over me like a hurricane in the southeast. their problem. not mine. my climate is perfection.

i am the perfect example of everything that i hate in the world. selfishness. hypocracy. laziness. i realize that there are problems but i sit in my little bubble that is school, or california even, or even the u.s. and just watch. thousands being slaughtered because of their skin's adaption to a warmer climate? that sucks. good thing i'm an american. we are perfect. well, of recent at least. perfect. oh so willing to assert my power over you because i am that rightous. descrimination based on the color of your skin? we hate you for that, even though we ourselves have only begun the battle. sure, we look all nice and pretty on the outside, a bunch of overfed consumers with morality issues, ready to take over the world. but in essence, we have only been riot free for, what, ten years? when did those riots occur? can't be that long ago, i mean sublime wrote about it. and that's how i know about htem. sublime. the sellout, brainwashed version of the average american child. not because i learned about them in history class, although i may have and just don't remember it because i slept through such a great majority of it (good example of U.S. educational system: take ap history, sleep through, pass ap exam, get an A and i know nothing), but because i heard it on the radio, played by some trendhappy wanna be rock band? wooooonderful.

seriously, i have no idea where i am in my thought development or how i even got here. but it does relate back to the seventh floor somehow. becausei hate being there. because it is so unnatural for any sort of animal to be kept in an environment for which he wasn't designed. and that's what we are. animals. we peform our basic mating rituals just like a fish does. a fish. like the kind i had swimming around in a bowl in my room for a few days, helplessly making bubble nests in a dire effort to attract a mate that will never arrive. because he's in a bowl. in my room. well, now he's dead and washed out to sea in a million small particals. algae food. but that's besides the point. the point is that evolution somehow didn't make us that much more superior to the fish because we aren't smarter than the fish when it comes down to the basic reason we're alive: to reproduce. and we do it in a very similar way. and so the whole idea of us being here, forcing ourselves to learn and grow at the expense of our parent's bank accounts is really just bullshit. what change will we have administered to the general public in the long run? nothing. and who is the general public anyway? it can't be those people being killed in some faraway land. no way.

well this has been a nice little rant. i have to go take a physics final now.