it's hard to find... oh well, whatever, never mind

i hate that people in my house can read this because it makes me more apt to not post how i feel.

well fuck them. i have to have some outlet.

i love that i put effort into my relationships and get nothing in return. i love that i can tell people that i am unhappy in some sort of way and get nothing back. nothing. i love that i can only trust my family, but not even they really understand... or care? i don't know.

i know that the only time anyone, besides my parents, care is when i exert some sort of great energy to try to get them to care. and i'm tired. mentally, physically. emotionally, i guess. i don't know what i feel. just tired. like it's all not worth any of this. what is it even for?

as usual, the best solution is to merely accept the problem and move on, because no amount of time i spend thinking about it makes any difference because i can't make any difference.

just keep on going. day after day. continually pull myself though the muck.

talk to anybody about any of this? are you mad? do you actually think they would care?

do you actually think that anybody cares about anything?

well they do.

but the list is short.

some might say it contains only a single item.