give me shame!!

is there shame in posting twice in one day?

does it really matter?

at a certain point in life one has to realize that shame is in the mind. mass murderers carry their heads high in court, with a blatent lack of shame. why should i feel shame with posting twice in one day? afterall, this is a journal. one that people read. so perhaps not a journal afterall, but a book.

so absorb away. this is my life. computer dependant.

really it's my generation.

i feel better already.

supposedly life as a college student is supposed to be quite free. i have yet to locate this said freedom. so far i have enough stress to put it in a jar and label it as a physical quantity.

i think stress would be a yucky color. a mix between periwinckle and that gross green that you would expect a green blob in a horror flick from the fifties. and have the consistancy of not-quite solidified jello.

that's besides the point. the point is why is life so stressful? all of the sudden i am expected to understand the ways of the world, and figure out what to do with my life? that's too much. i'm not even in my second decade of life yet.

i think it would be a better idea to first set me loose in the world and then rope me back in. let me have a little taste of what it is the world needs, how i want to be a part of hte solution, and then give me a list of courses required to fulfill that role. at least then i'd have motivation.

this reminds me of some stupid forwarded email that i once received. in order to successfully write a paper, or study for, say, two midterms, one has to get all other distractions out of their way. i think that i should plan out my future so that i can study in peace.

and it doesn't help that every time i look at a physics problem, my mind wanders. "Two people on a jetski..." jetski? i haven't been jetskiing in a long time. i really want to go. i wonder if my parents will take the boat out this spring break or if it will be too cold still. oooh i could wakeboard too... now that's a good time. but it might be cold. i could wear my wetsuit. i wonder what the average temperature is for home around the time of spring break. i should look that up... enter internet distractions here. email. classes for the summer. instant messaging. and i might as well facebook a few people while i'm here, right?

ok. back to work. for real this time.

note to self: curse my father for endowing me with the most tangent-oriented mind in history.

like i know what the real meaning of work is. i should really be looking for a place to live. i will be homeless in six months.